Understanding Your Relationship with Money

“No servant can serve two masters; the servant will hate one master and love the other, or will follow one master and refuse to follow the other.  You cannot serve both God and worldly riches.” (Luke 16:13, NCV)

Did you realize you have a relationship with money? Your relationship with money determines your overall quality of life. How you relate to money drives your choices in your life. It determines the type of jobs you take and the promotions you take to make more money. Some people love money and are willing to sacrifice their entire life chasing it. They tend to put money above anything and everyone, even God. Some people are afraid of having a lot of money for fear that they will change. Some people get nervous when they are in the presence of a lot of Money.

Your Feelings and Your Money

Let’s face reality. God is the source. Money is simply a resource. The sooner we can understand this concept, put God first, and allow him into the situation, the more we will receive. But for some reason, we feel guilty for wanting more. We feel ashamed that we don’t have it. And we feel bitter or angry when others have money and we don’t. Everyone didn’t always have the opportunity to have money. We, as African Americans, come from descendants of slaves, so wealth was not something we continue to see or know in our bloodline. We’ve had to put the pieces together of our lives and find ways to make it. And so the reality is that some things just don’t feel comfortable. But it’s time that we start to get comfortable with money. Even though we didn’t see wealth, we only saw hard work. It’s time for us to change. The reality of what we see is that our families don’t want to talk about money. Well, it’s time for us to change that. We didn’t have money, nor did we share or have these things in conversation. Everything was private. It’s not taught in schools. It’s not taught in churches, but it’s time for us to fill the gaps. We will no longer feel shame and guilt about money and not investing in ourselves. We work hard to have everything we ever wanted in life. It’s okay to save and no longer live in fear. Get out of feelings because it is impacting your money. Ask yourself these questions and write down your answers. How do you feel when you think about money? Are you happy and excited? Are you mad and upset? Are you worried or anxious? 

Emotional Spending

Do you notice how your feelings change when you have money and when you don’t? Do you realize when your feelings shift your mood? What would you be telling money if it was a person? Have you ever stopped talking to the very thing you use daily? 

What would you say? Oftentimes, you can have painful emotions related to money that you may need to heal. Look back over your life. Do you remember times when you or your parents couldn’t afford something which brought you pain or anxiety? I remember times in my life when I was a little girl when my mom was not present for important events at school because she had to work to make money. As a single mother of three, she raised us the best she could, but it was definitely not always easy. Growing up, I remember times we couldn’t afford lights or heat. These were my first thoughts about money and setting priorities in life. 

We often experience things as young children that we don’t fully understand, but we remember the pain of being upset or disappointed, and then the root cause of the pain was related to money. We all have feelings when it comes to our money. The reality is that we think and feel some type of way when we have to make money, pay bills, etc. We think about what we want to buy and get upset when we can’t purchase certain things. We go to the store and spend money on things that we don’t really need when we’re upset because we’re emotionally spending. We get depressed when we can’t buy gifts, or we can’t buy certain things we feel like we want. We get overwhelmed when it comes time to think about paying for vacations and something that should be exciting, but we get stressed out over the amount of money it costs. The truth is, we all have feelings when it comes to money. That thing on the inside of you makes you feel a certain way. You can feel the energy in your mind and body shift whenever you think about paying for something that costs a lot, or paying fines, etc., especially if you don’t have the money. Your feelings may be much stronger if you grew up without the money. Especially when you don’t think you’re going to make money or even when you lose money altogether.

Behavior

Have you ever lost a large amount of money before or had to pay for something that you didn’t have the money to pay for at the time? An overwhelming feeling takes over your body and controls and shifts your energy. Have you ever sat and really thought about how you feel about money? Like what emotions you tie to certain things because it drives the outcome of that situation and the result of your money experience. Do you ever feel dread when you have to pay for something specific? You should be thankful for paying bills because you had the money to pay them. Some people can’t pay bills at all. Frequently we say we hate paying this bill, or I’m tired of paying for this debt, but do you know what it feels like to be unable to pay for something at all? You should consider and connect to how you feel about money at this point in your life. Sit back and be thankful for the money you have to pay for things. Be excited about new opportunities and new money that’s coming your way and be grateful that you can get up and do it all over again. Once you heal your feelings, you will also heal your soul, and you can change your habits and behavior. It’s definitely worth the work! “Your heart will be where your treasure is.” (Luke 12:34)

Forgiveness

How do you feel about your finances??If you’re at the end of this chapter, and we’ve talked about your feelings and your relationship with money, more than likely, you will realize that you’ve had some negative thoughts and feelings about money. You may remember sometimes you didn’t have it or growing up struggling. No one is perfect at handling money or excellent at handling everything. We all learn from experiences, right? So you’ve had your experiences and your situations up till now. And hopefully, after reading this book, you’ll have a different perspective on your mindset and your feelings that you may need to change and do differently. 

But before you can even go into the next section of this book, I want you to sit for a moment and forgive yourself. I want you to forgive yourself for your past thoughts and negative energy towards money and shift your perspective more positively. Once you forgive money, commit to creating a better relationship with your money. These next steps require some additional action and some additional self-reflection. But you can only go deeper into these things if you have offered forgiveness and go into it with a grateful heart because it’s hard to put additional energy and effort into something you don’t want to do. You still have negative feelings coming up. So I need you to have an open mind. I also need You to forgive and move forward. I look forward to helping you to the next part of this journey.