I Know My Worth

“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14 NKJV

A woman is born a nurturer and a giver to those around her. Whether it’s her family, church, job, business, or friends. Her innate characteristic is to care for others and even strangers. She can be sick, or in pain and she will still get up to take care of those in her life. She will do whatever she has to do, go to where she has to go, serve tirelessly, and put herself on the back burner. She will be your biggest cheerleader and supporter. I believe a woman is born with the ability to multi-task and she thrives in that place of doing. As we go through life we do the best that we can with what we have and what is before us. Life has a way of knocking us to our knees or giving us a blow that we can’t wrap our minds around what is going on by trying to comprehend and process it all.

My life-altering experience began when I was a little girl. I had to go back to my childhood trauma to face it. The enemy likes to get a foothold in our lives when we are young to keep us stuck in that place. We never figure out why we were created or our purpose. Then we go through our adult lives trying to figure out what is wrong with us because we keep tumbling back to the place of trauma. The truth of the matter is that we never talked about what happened to us, we ignored it, we acted as if we were okay, we tried to fit in, and we kept going through the motions. We buried the trauma so deep down on the inside of us that now we have to peel back the layers of pain and so the struggle begins.

The thought of going back to that painful place is frightening, the fear sets in, and you may begin to get sweaty palms, get sick to your stomach, get a throbbing headache, your words can’t seem to come together, and your thoughts are all over the place. What you are feeling is normal and it’s okay. You are going to get through this; just don’t back away from it. Keep moving forward until you get the breakthrough you seek in your life. You will cry, yell, get angry, and have many questions and all of this is a part of our healing journey. We have held our emotions in for so long and it’s time to release them. Just breathe.

Let me take you back to when it all began. It was on my ninth birthday, I was as excited as any child would be on their birthday. The thoughts of getting gifts, cake, and celebrating with my friends. I received a phone call that day and the voice on the other side of the line said I have a surprise for you but you have to come and get it. Of course, I was excited even more as the day unfolded. Later in the day, I headed to the home of my mother’s boyfriend, and I was alone that day. I was violated and molested on my ninth birthday. My life was forever changed after that moment. I can remember being this happy-go-lucky little girl and then I became an introvert. I can remember singing and dancing on our front porch for relatives. I became fearful and withdrawn after this event in my life. My system was in shock due to what I had experienced. I didn’t tell anyone what happened to me and I didn’t have the words to explain it. I didn’t see him for months. I remember our home had caught on fire from the neighbor smoking in the attic next door and we had to move. One day that man appeared back in our lives and he was now living with us. I remembered what he had done to me, and I didn’t like him. I was a scared little girl. I lived in fear, I was tormented, I had low self-esteem, I hated my name, I was bullied, I thought I was ugly, and I had anger and unforgiveness in my heart. He would smile at me with a wicked smile, and he would say, “I’m going to get you”. He didn’t molest me again but the thought of it happening again was very terrifying thoughts to live with. I had to constantly relive the event that had already happened to me and it was very terrifying. One day my mom asked me why I didn’t like him. He knew I didn’t like him, and my mom knew that I didn’t like him. I thought to myself this would be the day that my mom would get rid of him. I told my mom exactly what happened to me, and she didn’t believe me and said to me, “Girl ain’t nothing happened to you. That must have been something you saw on TV.” That day foreversilenced my voice, and I wouldn’t speak up for myself. If your mom doesn’t have your back, who will? If your mom doesn’t believe you; who will? For the next few years, he tried to molest me again, but I wouldn’t let him get close to me. When he saw that his attempts weren’t working, he moved on to his next victim, and believe me there were some more victims. Years later I found out who those victims were. That one incident in my life has shaped and molded me into the woman I am today. Because of what has happened to me I can recognize when a child is going through something by looking into their eyes. Even their mannerism can portray that they have had terrible experiences. The enemy wants us to believe that it will never get better, but he is a liar, and we must stop his voice in our minds.

I have learned to be free from the pain, healed, and made whole we must confront those painful areas in our lives that have caused so much trauma. When you are ready to confront those past experiences you must expose them. You must tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you, God. God will be your strength as you expose the lies of the enemy in your life. Don’t let the enemy keep you from going to that place of pain. He will use fear, doubt, and questions of what-ifs. For each question that does come up, play it out in your mind. What if they get mad at you? Oh well, I am sure it’s not the first time and it will not be the last. What if they don’t talk to you anymore? Oh well, it’s their loss if they remove you from their lives. They didn’t appreciate your value in the first place. What if they don’t believe you? It does not matter. What if they never apologize? That is a strong possibility that they will never acknowledge their wrong and that is okay too. What is important is that you “Expose It!” I serve a God of truth and so many people are going through life believing lies, confessing lies over themselves, and living a lie. John 8:32 NKJV says, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” And John 8:36 NKJV says, “Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” It’s time to be your authentic self, tell the truth, and be the real you. You have been hiding for so long but no more. You have been in the background long enough and it’s time for you to come forth woman of strength, virtue, worth, and power.

While we were growing up, going through our transitional teenage years, and into adulthood without a thought of God, He was thinking of us before we were even a seed to come forth. Romans 5:8 NKJV, “But God demonstrates His love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” While we were still sinners, Christ died for us and God loves us. Because God loves us through all of our mess and as He tugs at our hearts, we begin to love Him back and not run from Him. “We love Him because He first loved us”, I John 4:19 (NKJV). God loved me first, so I in turn can love Him. God loves us in spite of any sin we have done or will yet do. God loves us unconditionally and there are no strings attached. For God is love. He loves us because we are His creation. We are created in His image and that is precious in His sight. God has been so gracious, kind, and forgiving towards us so we in turn extend grace to others.

Psalm 103:8, “The Lord is merciful and gracious, Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.” God understands what you have been through and exactly how you feel about all of your experiences. He has been merciful and gracious towards you as He patiently waits for you to come to Him. He is thy healer, and He so wants to make you whole. God completely understands that you are angry about what has happened to you. Romans 12:19 NKJV, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” Don’t you worry about a thing because God will take care of it for you. He will take care of who has caused you so much pain. He will do a better job than we ever could. While we are waiting to see the vengeance of the Lord take place be mindful to guard your heart. You don’t want your heart to become hardened and you will walk in a spirit of forgiveness no matter who it is. Start praying for them as a matter of fact. Realizing that we want God to forgive us so we must forgive everyone.

God’s everlasting love and mercy will reign over you. God has the power to deliver justice at any time and His love, compassion, forgiveness, and mercy shall prevail over you. Don’t ever devalue yourself in your mind or speak words contrary to who God says you are. Don’t succumb to the word curses that have been spoken over you during your lifetime. It’s time for you to reverse the curse you have believed for all of these years. You must combat every lie with the Word of God and it’s time to fight for your true identity. It’s time to allow the love of God to nurture you and uproot everything in your heart that is not of God. Oh my! Let God do open heart surgery on you today. God wants to come into your heart, mind, and soul to heal you everywhere that you hurt. Psalm 147:3 NKJV, “He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” God will do this for you and He is ready.

You just don’t realize how valuable you are yet and God has great things in store for you. There are many gifts and talents waiting to be unearthed inside of you. There are many treasures locked away within you. You have an integral value that is yet to be discovered within you. It’s time to walk in your value and appreciate who God says you are. God has a plan for you and a great work for you to do. The world is waiting for you. The people that God has assigned to your life are lining up for you to serve them and they are waiting for you to heal.

By the time this is all over you will have so much joy bubbling down on the inside of you that you will want to give it to others. You will become passionate about serving others who have experienced what you have. The enemy thought he had you, but God was watching over you all along. God has had your back all along. Now go ahead and praise your God for all of the good He has done in your life. God has covered you through it all and let’s face it, it could have been worse, but God knew exactly how much you could endure. You made it through the storm, you are not shipwrecked, and you can shout Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus!

Maybe you are still in the storm, and you can’t see your way through it. It’s not for you to know what the outcome will be. Right now, what is the most important thing for you to do is trust God and meditate on His Word. Find a Scripture for your circumstance and declare it day and night until you believe it and see it manifested in your life. Your vision will become clear in time.

God loves you with an everlasting love and no one can snatch you out of His hand. There will be many waves of emotions, but you steady the course because you already have the victory. You are valuable because God says you are and it’s time for you to walk therein no matter what it looks like or feels like. Our minds and emotions can sometimes lie to us. You can let the devil know right now that you are coming out of this place and tell him, “I know who I am and God has a plan and a purpose for my life”.

I am God’s masterpiece, I am valuable because I know my worth, I am precious, amazing, anointed, blessed, and highly favored. God has my back no matter what. I am so glad that I know God has great things in store for me!

It’s time that you knew your worth. (This is an excerpt from “I Know My Worth ” written by Ivy Caldwell)