7 Ways a Married Couple Can Steward Their Finances to Avoid Conflict

All too often, married couples have passionate conversations about their finances. I use the word passionate instead of argument if you get what I am saying. Whether these discussions are about the budget, a planned expense, or an emergency expense, it is necessary to be assertive in talking it out regularly. 

Experts report that finances are one of the top reasons a couple will end their marriage. While this is not ideal, money touches everything we do and will always be the topic of discussion in the home. Sparks fly when conversations about saving money, making money, how to spend money, and where to invest it come up. Elevated voices spout words that may not be appropriate for kids to hear. “I have never seen that dress before. Is that new?” says the husband. Silence fills the air, and the wife exclaims. “I did not say anything when you went out and bought that motorcycle with our tax money!” the wife snaps back. Voices elevate, the temperature in the room gets hotter, and hearts become hard and distant as a result. Negative thoughts come rushing in like waves in the ocean. How did we get here – living paycheck to paycheck, broke as a joke, approaching poverty, and in a strained relationship with your spouse?

It is not uncommon for these issues to arise in a marriage. Every household, at one point or another, has had strained financial situations. This is normal, but we can help you navigate these choppy financial waters with your spouse so that you two are on the same page. However, there is hope. There are ways to resolve these issues as long as each individual is willing to work towards the goal.

Here are seven ways you can steward your finances to avoid conflict:

1. Pray for wisdom: We all need the wisdom of God when stewarding our finances. Outside resources can be a good place to learn more about making the appropriate financial decisions for you. In these conversations with your spouse, opinions may vary, and emotions can be high; however, as you work together and utilize patience and humility, you will reach your goals. Everyone spends, saves, and gives money differently and for various motives. The best thing to do is to be curious about your spouse’s perspective instead of judging how they view financial matters and making decisions accordingly. Lastly, during heated conversations, remember to respond in love. A gentle response turns away an angry response and goes a long way in building harmony in your marriage.
2. Write down your financial goals:  To reach your overarching goal collectively, write down your desired goals. This activity will help you develop a greater vision for the financial portfolio you want together. In Habakkuk 2:2 (NASB), says, “…Write down the vision. And inscribe it clearly on tablets. So that he may run who reads it.” You cannot carry out your plan if you do not know your plans. Consult the Lord in prayer, research, and discuss your list. Writing them down makes the goals visible and easily readable.
3. Create a budget and commit to following it:  Developing a budget allows you and your spouse to stay on track with your plan. If you do not have a budget and discipline is a problem, you will end up ultimately one step from poverty. I know you do not want this to happen. A solution to this is to track your expenses and see how you can reach your goals.
4. Read your goals twice a day: Reading your goals will remind you of the plan you two wrote down. Reading them together is a game changer as you become one throughout your marriage and strive to align with one another. Reading them twice a day together and following the steps to accomplish the goals will bring great joy to your relationship.
5. Be honest and accountable – Keep the lines of communication open. Decide what you want to discuss regarding your finances. To the husband: Does your wife always have to share that she went shopping and purchased $300 worth of clothes? To the wife: Does your husband have to discuss how much he invested in that antique car he has had since his teenage years? For example, my friend and her husband decided that if an item they wanted to purchase were $500 or more, they would bring it to the other’s attention. If it is less, it does not need to be discussed. Take time to decide what you will talk about and on what terms you want to discuss financial situations. Also, honesty is always the best policy. If you know your spouse will not approve of your purchase, talk first instead of hiding what you have bought. Dishonesty or not telling the whole story is damaging to an ever-growing marriage. Marriage is already one of life’s greatest challenges: Don’t make it hard to be trusted.
6. Schedule a monthly financial meeting:  Be proactive and indicate a date and time on the calendar when you and your spouse will have a meeting. Generally speaking, if you do not schedule this meeting on the family calendar and commit to it, this important time will be quickly overlooked, especially if this is a new routine for the two of you. Making a commitment to meet together every month will increase communication, give dedicated time to bring up important financial matters, and make decisions accordingly.
7. Work with a financial professional:  Working with a financial professional ensures that you see your finances objectively. As a licensed financial professional who has worked with a financial professional, I find having an expert opinion comforting. Financial professionals, advisors, and mentors should always work on your behalf. If you feel your portfolio is not improving since working with this person, shop around and get someone else who can help you build your wealth and protect it and will teach you how to pay fewer taxes. Who would not want to know that?

Getting your finances in order as a married couple is essential to building a thriving marriage. If you are already meeting together monthly, I celebrate you. You are in the elite group of married people who are growing in their marriage. However, if you are not discussing financial matters and only one person in the relationship knows everything while the other is in the dark about your family’s finances, make this the last day you conduct your marriage this way.

Should you need guidance from a Licensed Financial Professional, I can be contacted at vernicia@step-consultinggroup.com. Our consultations are free of charge to the public. Our motto is No Family Left Behind, and you can count on me to guide you and your spouse all the way to your goals and dreams.