Dating and relationships are two of the most popular hot topics on social media, in conversations with friends, and especially at weddings. If you search for this topic on Google, many blogs, articles, and images appear. We can all agree that when people talk about dating, they are all too often desiring true love.
After being single for too long, IMO, I got married at age 51. As exciting as that is, I can’t help but look back sometimes and remember how frustrated I was because I could not find the true love my heart longed for since I was a teenager. I presume everyone will agree when I make this statement: Dating can be challenging. The lack of integrity, lustful comments, failed commitments, empty promises, and shallow conversations were getting real old, real fast. I wanted to find a solid, godly guy who loved God, was honest, and genuinely interested in getting to know me for me, not for my body.
I paused dating to examine myself and took a break from the heartache I had endured. However, after some time passed, the desire to date began to bubble up in my heart again.
Instead of letting myself feel sad and anxious about trying to “put myself out there” again, I began to do the work, discover my purpose, and prepare to date again. While I tried online dating because it worked for a few friends, I knew after months of swiping left that I would not find my husband behind that screen.
As the Founder of the Stepping Into Purity and Beyond Facebook Group for Christian single women, I stress the importance of preparing to date and also preparing for marriage. The worst thing women and men can do is stumble upon the love of their life and not be ready.
If you want to prepare for dating and eventually marry, you must be committed, resilient, patient, and whole. While you are waiting, you can begin building these characteristics because you will need them in marriage.
Below are 10 ways you can prepare for dating. I developed this list with people in mind who eventually want to get married. It is not an exhaustive list, so if you have any additional ways to prepare for dating, please comment below. I would love to learn from you.
- Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. All too often, we make our own plans, and then we go to God and tell Him what we will do. I urge you to go before the Lord, pray, and ask Him to go before you; His plans will succeed anyway (Proverbs 16:3). Take some time to decrease your flesh by fasting. Fasting will help you stay aligned with God’s holy standards of living and kill the temptations of the flesh. Last but not least, dig into God’s work and memorize scriptures. This activity will help reinforce God’s standards and build up your spirit man.
- Write out your plan. Write down your plans and desires. (Habakkak 2:2) If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail. Here are a few questions to help you plan for the date you want:
- How would you describe yourself (If that is hard for you to figure out, ask a few close friends who know you well)?
- What are your core values? In other words, what do you stand for?
- What is your goal for dating?
- What things would you enjoy doing with a new prospective dating friend?
- What results do you want from this date?
- Think of a dream date. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do?
- Ask God for clarity and confirmation. Proverbs 3:6 says, “In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” Along the way, you will undoubtedly need clarity and confirmation to ensure you are not wasting your time engaging with a familiar spirit or dating a counterfeit. A date with the wrong person can throw you off, so be mindful when you choose who you will date.
- Repent of anything in your life that is an obstacle to you dating with the mind of Christ. So many obstacles can get in the way of meeting the right person. Residue from past relationships can be a hindrance. While you wait or search, work on your rejection issues. Get counseling if you need it. If you are easily offended, you will always be controlled by it. Counseling will give you a different perspective on the reason it is hard to forgive. It will also provide you with direction on handling upcoming offenses because it will happen again. That is a part of life. Habakkuk 2:4 says, “Look at the proud! They trust in themselves, and their lives are crooked. But the righteous will live by their faithfulness to God.” You will need the help of others to guide you along the way. A counselor or an honest friend is needed to help you repair your heart from past hurts. Forgive quickly. Extend grace. Love mercy and offer it to others. If you need healing from relationship trauma, reestablishing your identity with Christ, and getting back on track with your purpose, Stepping Into Purity is a great book to read for motivation.
- Be proactive. I recommend getting a dating coach. This person can also serve as an accountability partner. You will need to establish this initially, but dating coaches are typically there to ask questions that draw out the matters of your heart, goals, dreams, and plans for your future. Also, getting in the right environment is essential. When you are around like-minded and like-hearted godly people, sticking to your goals and standards before going on a date is much easier. Small groups, single’s ministries, friends, or mentors are important to establish now rather than later.
- Leave the past in the past. Philippians 3:13-14a says, “But I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on… You can no longer be bound to your past. Take the shackles off your feet and free yourself from your past. Did you know that your past can be an idol? If the pain goes unattended, it can develop into something you worship. Also, you can be so wedded to your past that it prevents you from recognizing Mr. Right or Ms. Right. Your past can blind you and deceive you. If you have a counselor or are seeking one, be sure to bring up any hurts from the past that hinder you from moving on to a new relationship.
- List your deal breakers and non-negotiables. You should have standards already before you start dating and stick with them. Having a list of deal-breakers and non-negotiables is something that you can hash out in prayer with the Lord and with your dating coach. Write down your physical and emotional boundaries. Decide what you will and will not do, and record these decisions, too. They will help you stay the course as you endeavor to date God’s way. For help, check out this Dating Boundaries Checklist.
- Write down the list of characteristics that you want in a dating partner. A month before I met my husband for the first time, I invited a counselor to come to my group for single women to talk to us about deal breakers and non-negotiables. A month later, I met my husband. I cannot stress this enough. Get Ready! Get Ready! Get Ready! Your time is coming! Most people want to date someone who is easy on the eyes, and there is no shame if this is your desire. I wanted the same thing and got a handsome man (glory to God!), so I get it. However, focusing on the person’s characteristics will far outlast the outward appearance. Again, beware of familiar spirits. Detach from them. Break the cycles. You will be happy you did the work.
- Ask for help. Recruit godly people around you to pray and look out for you. James 4:2b says, “You do not have because you do not ask.” Very few people will be vulnerable and express this to loved ones who can keep their eyes and ears out for a strong Christian candidate for dating. But it takes a village to land a date. You may think this is funny, but it is true. Your homework assignment is to tell three people you can trust to pray for you and introduce you to someone should they know or meet someone who matches your values. Remember to share the characteristics of the person you want to meet so all parties are clear.
- Get excited and stay hopeful. Prepare your heart to meet solid people with godly integrity who will add value to your life even if it does not last for a lifetime. If it does, that will be even better. Don’t lose hope. God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask, think, or even imagine (Ephesians 3:20). He is able!
Get prepared for who God has for you. Follow the principles above, sign up for the 12 Step Healing Incubator Program for single women and I am confident that you will find the right person to date. Click here to learn more information about the program.